An Update on Hope

I definitely would like to write more about Hope, where I am now, how I handled it (or didn't), etc. But I'd like to set aside more time for that than I have. Right now, I just want to let you know about what we think happened.

The evening that she died, my parents had said that she had been really tired, wasn't able to take a full breath, and was a bluish/gray color. During her embalming, the coroner called to say that he found a blood clot a couple of inches long near her lung. So, from all accounts, it looks like she died from a pulmonary embolism. Apparently Hope's symptoms are all classic signs.

Why my parents didn't take her to the ER that night? They had already been to the ER several times after Hope's surgery due to breathing pains, but nothing had been found to be wrong. My parents didn't recognize Hope's signs that night and figured that if they went to the ER again, they would just be sent home.

Anyway, that's what we are 99% sure happened.

ALSO. I still will never be able to thank everyone enough who donated to Hope's funeral service. We were able to have a beautiful service. I've tried sending thank you messages to everyone individually. If you didn't receive a thank you from me, the only reason is because after going back in after I closed the fund, I could only see the information for the 50 most recent donations. Anything earlier than that, I haven't been able to figure out how to see. Please know that I was able to see every single donation during the process and was able to read your messages of love and that my parents were able to as well. They were touched beyond words. Thank you so very much :)

With love,

Mallory

Wanting

Wanting. We all want something. We're all waiting for something. Well, at least a lot of us. There are some of you who may be blessed with the ability to be grateful and satisfied with everything you have now. But the rest of us are always wanting for more. I find it interesting that in every phase of life, there's always something I desperately want. When I was a teenager, my overall desire was to graduate high school, never look back, find a great man, and stay at home raising our children. For the most part, I got those things. Except that I have trouble "never looking back". Now that I'm at home with three kids, I find myself wishing for the giddy surprise of those wonderful days of freedom. Ah, freedom. I digress.

When I was 12, my parents gave me $100 in spending money when I took my first solo trip to visit my grandma. I went to Toys R Us and felt like the richest kid in the world. Spending spree! The most important item on my wish list? A Tomagotchi.

When I was 17, I desperately wanted "black-girl" braids, as I called them. And so I got them. Twice. I paid a pretty penny for them, too. $400 both times, if I remember correctly.

Today I want to slap my 17 year old self in the face. "You idiot. Four hundred freaking dollars on braids that didn't even look that good?" Today, I could use that $400 to buy the matching ottoman to my sofa. Or those Tory Burch shoes I've been eyeing. Or you know. Other things that are important to me now. It seems I've always got something "important" that I need to have. And I spend my days thinking about how to get said things. 'All I have to do is book another wedding, and then I can get this, this, and this!'

And the spending begins again. If I have an extra $500, you can bet I'm going to spend it. All of it. For some reason I've developed this pathetic way of thinking that says to spend whatever I have. I know better, but I don't do it. No matter how much extra money I have, I'm going to spend it all.

During my latest conquest to get my next obsession (the aforementioned shoes), I realized that I'm always going to want something. There hasn't been a time that I didn't want something with the same intensity as everything before it. I recently read something on a blog that said it's human nature to want more than we have or can afford. That hit me. It's just part of the human experience. Another thing that hit me: the more I spend, the more I want. It's insatiable. As long as there are things to buy, there will never be an end to wanting, thus never being satisfied.

Several days ago, I was praying/thinking about what I needed to focus on in life. Should I do more with photography, exercise more, or focus on getting our house in order? Et cetera. I was kneeling in front of our bedroom window, hoping that being able to see nature would help me feel closer to heaven. It was snowing. Not hard, but in the softest way possible. Flakes were floating slowly, gently down. I watched some of them and became mesmerized. In that moment, I felt like the thing I needed to learn how to do was to find the joy in the little things. Not in "things" things, but "little" things. Think of all the books I can get lost in, art I can create, ways to bring joy into the kids' lives. An old friend mentioned that experiences were always better than things. I couldn't agree more. I may look back on those high school days with fondness, but I'm not longing for the things I had. It's the experiences and the happiness they brought that I cherish. I don't care about the Tomagotchi anymore, but I do remember the thrill of navigating the airport and flying all by myself to go hang out with my grandma who made the best meals ever. In the future, I'm not going to care about or remember many of the things I bought. I'll care about and remember the life I lived and created. I may always want things, but it's just something I need to learn to live with and accept and overcome. My new goal? To see the "little" things and find the more subtle yet lasting joy they bring.

...and maybe to change my way of thinking about money :)

Hope's Funeral Services

-- viewing --

Sunday May 5, 2013
6:00-8:00pm

Jenkins-Soffe Mortuary
1007 W South Jordan Parkway
South Jordan, Utah 84095

-- funeral --

Monday May 6, 2013
11:00am
additional viewing starting at 10:00am

LDS Chapel
1239 West Country Creek Drive
South Jordan, UT 84095

Contribute to Hope's funeral fund here

Hope Noelle Chance: What Happened

This post is about my sister, Hope, who semi-unexpectedly passed away in her sleep during the morning of April 29, 2013. I have three younger sisters. Of those three, Hope was the oldest, although she was five years younger than me. Hope was born six weeks early on November 17, 1990. Prayers were answered and she fought through, even though the odds were against her since she was also born with muscular dystrophy.

According to my mom, Hope was an easy baby. She would pat my mom on the back while my mom held her. She never went through her terrible twos. When she was three years old, she got a viral skin infection that produced these little nodules or sores. To remove them, the doctors had to take tweezers and basically pull these pieces of skin off. It was painful, but my mom told Hope she would get a treat afterwards. Once it was over, Hope got her treat and was put in her carseat. She held the treat, but didn't open it. My mom asked if she wanted help opening it. Hope said yes, but that she wanted to wait until she got home to share with her sisters. "That's just how she was," my mom said later.

I could go on and on with stories to illustrate just how easy-going she was. How quick to befriend others, how slow to judge. But that could fill a novel.

A few months ago, Hope was in a minor car accident. She was driving and needed to make a U-turn. Unfortunately, she forgot to look behind her and was hit by a car that was coming up behind her. She suffered some minor bumps and scrapes, including a broken nose. While having her nose evaluated, it was discovered that she had a deviated septum. A surgery was scheduled and performed. Several days afterward, Hope began having pain (either in her head or her nose, I can't remember exactly which). At any rate, she was taken in to the hospital and given an MRI. In that MRI, the doctors found something else entirely: two brain aneurysms located on her brain stem.

After that, we realized what a blessing it was that Hope had gotten in the car accident and that she had to get nose surgery. Without those sequence of events, we would never have found out about her aneurysms.

The location of the aneurysms was an extremely delicate area. Usually, aneurysms can be fixed relatively easily because they're sitting along a straight blood vessel. The problem with Hope's aneurysms was that they were both side by side on the part where the blood vessel curved up and then back down, right at the brain stem. There are very few neurosurgeons in the world who are able to perform the procedure needed to fix this. However, it just so happened that the man who pioneered that exact procedure and his protege would be in town for awhile. They studied Hope's situation and were confident they could perform the surgery. It would be risky. The procedure was very new, but they could do it.

And so they did. On March 8, 2013, Hope went into the hospital for brain surgery. We were worried, but also felt that it would be successful.

There was a little scare during the surgery, when one of the blood vessels that led to Hope's brain lost blood flow for about an hour. The doctors were able to restore flow, but it wasn't up to its original capacity. The doctors said there was nothing they could do about restoring better blood flow, but that she would be okay.

The rest of the surgery went well, and Hope came out just fine. We were so grateful and thought the worst was behind us.

Hope continued to have pain, although at first we just though it was part of normal recovery. The first time she got a headache, my parents rushed her to the emergency room, thinking the maybe it was a blood clot/possible brain stroke. It turned out to be nothing serious, they said, though she kept getting headaches.

Hope would also complain of back pain. This was normal for her, though. She had struggled with back pain for a year or two previously, but it seemed it was getting worse.

A few weeks ago, she was at the movies with her boyfriend and had to leave early because of "back and side pains". She called my parents saying it was hard for her to breathe. Again, she was taken to the emergency room. Even with severe pain, the doctors found nothing wrong. She was sent home.

Last Thursday, April 25, Hope seemed fine. I asked her to babysit my kids while I went to photograph a wedding. She said she would, but she was sorry because she was tired and in pain, so she probably wouldn't be able to play with and entertain the kids very well. "Don't worry about that, Hope," I told her. "Just plop them in front of the TV for awhile. They'll be fine.

During a two hour break that day, I came home to find Hope and my daughter Elizabeth cuddled up together watching Elizabeth's favorite (my least favorite) show, Yo Gabba Gabba. I thought it was so sweet, watching them cuddled up together. I remember thinking, 'I should take a picture of this.' But I didn't. I was too tired from the first part of the wedding, and just wanted to lay there on the couch. I still kept thinking that I should take a picture of them, but kept pushing the thought aside. 'There will be another time. Next time they cuddle together, then I'll take a picture' was my thought.

I got home late that night and hadn't had time to get cash out to pay my sister. I told her I'd bring it to her, no later than Sunday night.

Sunday night came and went and I still hadn't brought her money over. On the following Monday morning (yesterday), I had a missed call from my parents' house, where Hope and my other sisters live. No one left a message and I figured it was Hope calling me to find out where her money was. I didn't call them back. Instead, I just jumped in my car, ran to the ATM, pulled out some money, and started driving over. That's when I got a call from my husband, who was at work.

"Your dad just called me. He wants us both to come over. He sounded pretty shaken up, but didn't say what was going on," Mike told me.

Instantly, I felt that something was wrong. I was less than five minutes away from my parents'. I told Mike I needed to get off the phone right away. I started to brace myself for something bad.

When I pulled around the corner to my parents' house, I saw a group of neighbors out on the front lawn. There were three police cars and an ambulance. Fear and sickness hit me. There was no room to pull into my parents' driveway, so I pulled into the neighbors'. I started getting my kids out of the car, watching the neighbors and everyone else the whole time. They were coming over to me. The first lady who came to me put her arms around me and said, "I'm so sorry".

"What's going on?" I asked. I saw a paramedic nearby. "Is there something going on with one of my sisters?"

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the daughter of the people who live in this house," I said, pointing to my parents'.

He looked at the house, then at me, with an unsure look on his face. He told me to stay here. He'll be right back.

More neighbors came up to me. One said he was so sorry about my sister. The other neighbor said, "she doesn't know..." and they all looked at each other.

I don't remember who said it, but I heard someone say: "Your sister passed away last night".

*****************************************

We don't know exactly what happened, but assume it was related to the brain aneurysms. Apparently Hope had been in extreme pain the day before, just lying around looking gray and occasionally throwing up.

Because of all that had happened previously, what happened isn't completely surprising. It was a shock to all of us nonetheless. My parents are, of course, taking it the hardest. That's the worst part about it, watching your parents go through the loss of a child. There's nothing you can do to make it better for them.

Funeral services are tentatively scheduled for Monday, May 6, 2013 in Salt Lake City, Utah. We would like anyone to attend who would like.

Things like this are unexpected. No one expects or is prepared for their child to die. My parents have selflessly served all four of their children unceasingly. My dad works hard, but I know it's hard for him having three (now two) almost grown daughters who will most likely be dependent on him for the rest of their lives. My dad was let go from his job awhile ago and when my mom wondered aloud, "How are we going to pay for a funeral?", I felt like I needed to do something. So, if you would like to donate to my sister's memorial service, you may do so here. I would never, ever be able to express how much it would mean to my family. I just want my parents to have the means to provide a funeral for their daughter. They would never ask something like this, which is why I'm doing it. 100% of all proceeds will go directly to them. Thank you so much.

Click here to donate to Hope's fund.

Hope's Facebook here.

Why Latter Day Saints Think The Way They Do About Gay Marriage

We believe that before we came to live on earth, we lived with our Father in heaven. He still lives there now, with his son Jesus Christ, and all of those souls who are still waiting to come to earth and receive a body. Why did we need to come to earth, anyway? The answer: to learn things we could never have otherwise learned while in the heaven or without a physical body.

We believe we were told we would be organized into families, and that through those families, we would receive the nurture and guidance that we would need in order to successfully navigate this earthly life. What does "successfully" mean? Well, it means that we make the right choice instead of the wrong choice (yes, we still believe in the concept of "right and wrong"). It means that when we diligently make the right choices, that eventually we can return to live in heaven with God again. We have been told that we will be given all that He has. We've been told that we can't even begin to comprehend the joy we will have there. And that joy will be never-ending. It's difficult to even imagine joy that won't ever end, since we're always experiencing things like sadness, disappointment, anger, despair, etc.

We believe that God has given us commandments. You've heard that Mormons shouldn't drink alcohol or coffee. That we shouldn't smoke. But we've also been told that for optimal health, we should go to bed early and arise early. We've been counseled to eat lots of fruits, vegetables, and grains and to eat meat sparingly. All of that is in our book of scripture.

Do we always do these things right? No, of course not. We skimp on our fruits and vegetables just like anyone else. Because meat tastes good. And so does junk food. Do we drink alcohol or coffee? Yes, some of us do. Even though we know we shouldn't. But it's not the end of the world if it happens. We just have to try a little bit harder.

These are just a few of the many commandments we are given by God. And everyone already knows that following these principles will help us to achieve our most optimal health.

Back to families.

We believe that marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman. We believe it because of the revelation given through scriptures. Just like any of the other commandments. Just like the Ten Commandments. Sometimes we don't even know why we should follow a specific commandment. For example, the scripture that tells us we shouldn't smoke? It was given to us many years before scientists discovered smoking was bad for you. Therefore, we believe every commandment has an important purpose, even though we may not fully understand what that purpose is.

We believe in the existence of Satan. We believe that his purpose is to prevent souls from coming to earth to receive a body. His ultimate goal is to keep us from returning to heaven to live with God and to make us as miserable as he is. So, he seeks to ruin the plan that God has for us (his children), which is to have us come to earth, receive a body, learn from experiences, and prove ourselves worthy to return to return to heaven and receive a fulness of joy and glory while living with the one who is our true Father.

The world's population replacement rate has already declined dramatically. Google it, if you want. It's pretty interesting how drastically it has decreased. We believe this to be a "sign of the times". That means that we expect that one of Satan's priorities is to prevent children from being born. Obviously, gay marriage would further this problem. Yes, of course, gay couples could and would adopt children. But it wouldn't be enough to help the fertility rate to increase from it's already steady decline.

Gay marriage. We don't support it for many reasons. Reasons that even WE don't understand. But we continue to support traditional marriage because we trust that God's ultimate desire is for all of his children (you and me and everyone) to be as happy as we possibly can. Not just in this life, but in the life to come. We believe that God knows us better than we know ourselves. We believe that he knows exactly what will bring us our greatest happiness. It may be hard for us to follow all of the commandments He gives to us. We may suck at it. We may even rebel. A lot. But that doesn't make us bad people. It just means we don't truly understand God's love and plan for us. We think we know what's best for ourselves. We think we know exactly how to make ourselves happy. But maybe, it's worth listening to His words. Because if there's one thing we need to understand about His words, it's that they are not there to limit us. They aren't there to keep us from being happy. We're getting it all wrong.

God's commandments are given to make us even more free and to bring us even greater happiness than we currently believe is even possible.

jeff + alysse

Woo hoo! Loved this couple. Jeff and Alysse were both so sweet and obviously in true love. Thanks for reminding me why I love what I do, you two!

OK, don't you just love their expressions here?
"Here we go!"

5-Ingredient Cheddar Crackers

I love cheesy, crunchy stuff. Cheetos, Doritos, all that good stuff. Unfortunately, all of those yummies have ingredient lists a mile long filled with all kinds of things I can't pronounce. Plus they have tons of fat. And, oh yeah, they're expensive. Fail on so many levels.

 I've been wanting to find a good cheesy snack recipe. After searching the internet, I realized that I would need an air puffer to make my coveted Cheeto cheese puffs. So, I figured cheese crackers would be the next best thing. I modified this from another recipe I found online, one which I wasn't too impressed by but felt had some potential. I'll continue to experiment with it until I am sure it has reached perfection, but until then, enjoy some Here it is!

You'll need 1 cup of wheat flour, 1/2 t salt, 1 1/2 cups of sharp cheddar cheese, 5 T of cold buter, and 3 T of milk. Sharp cheddar cheese is the only way to go! If you use mild, it just won't taste very cheddary. The sharper it is, the cheesier it tastes! Also, you don't need to use salt. I didn't for this example, and they tasted fine. But next time, I'll be adding salt.

Mix the first four ingredients in a food processor. I don't have a food processor, so I did this in my blender. I wouldn't recommend it, but it will still work. When it gets all nice and crumbly, you're ready to add the milk.

Slowly add the milk and continue mixing until it becomes a big ball and has the look and feel of Play-Doh.

Now you're ready to roll the dough out. You don't need to flour your countertop, just start rolling! I rolled mine pretty thin. Not paper-thin. Think of a nickel. That is about how thick you'll want these.

Once the dough is all rolled out, start cutting out the crackers. To get a nice cracker-sized circle, I used a lid from one of my spice jars. They're the perfect size!

Arrange the crackers closely on a cookie sheet.

Then take an identical cookie sheet and put it directly on top of the crackers, as shown below. This will help the crackers to get crisp on both sides and keep them flat while baking. Otherwise you'll have dome shaped crackers that are crispy one the bottom and not-so-crispy on the top. Not cool.

Bake in the oven for 9-11 minutes. I baked mine for 10 minutes and thought it was just right! Resist the urge to open the oven and pull up the top pan to check. Even if you leave these in for a couple more minutes, they shouldn't burn. They'll just be extra crispy.

Once they're done and you pull them out of the oven, you'll hear them sizzling. When the sizzling stops, you can pull off the top pan. Let them cool slightly and voila! Your very own non-processed healthy cheddar crackers!

5 Ingredient Cheddar Crackers

1 cup wheat flour
1/2 t salt
1 1/2 cups sharp cheddar cheese
5 T cold butter, cut into pieces
3 T milk

1.   Preheat oven 375 degrees. Mix the flour, salt, cheese, and butter in a food processor until it's crumbly.
2.   With the processor still on, slowly add the milk and continue processing until the mixture has pulled away from the sides and has turned into a big ball.
3.   Roll the dough out onto an unfloured surface.
4.   Cut out crackers and arrange on a cookie sheet. Place a second cookie sheet on top of the crackers so that they bake flat.
5. Bake for 9-11 minutes. Remove top cookie sheet after sizzling sound has stopped.

Real Food!

This week, I'm going to try to cut out all processed foods from our family's diet. I just finished planning this week's meals and I am overjoyed to think that I don't have to go to WalMart for groceries. Nope! The prices may be a bit cheaper, but is it really worth the additives, pesticides, chemicals that will eventually make us sick? Not to mention the jam-packed parking lots, "people of WalMart", absent customer service, etc. No sir, it is off to the natural foods grocery store for me. We are turning over a new leaf! Although we have a family of five, we try to keep our expenses low. Like, $75-per-week-on-groceries low. It's always been pretty tight and often feels like there's no food in the house, but we'll see what we can do. I expect that this new diet will cost a bit more, so we may be increasing our grocery budget soon. Just gotta talk the hubby into it first! Here's to a healthier us!

Forgiveness

It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve
It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have to say the word...

Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
 Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'set it free'

 Forgiveness

 Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness

Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness

 It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what its power can do
So let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

 Forgiveness

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what
Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me

Forgiveness

<i>lyrics by Matthew West</i>

Bug Day

Somehow today became "Bug Day" in the DeMotte household. Remember John the frog? Well, we let him go because Mom was tired of driving to the store to buy crickets. His tank has since seen several temporary residents. Today I woke up to find a cricket and a dead butterfly. I got the butterfly out, but the cricket was a stubborn little guy who held on for dear life to the screened top. So I left him in there, which turned out to be good, because later that morning I found a praying mantis. Mom score of the day. I got on my big girl pants and with Carter's help we got him safely inside his new home. Complete with tasty cricket goodness.

Later that day, Elizabeth was picking up little pieces of garbage and bringing them to me. It always cracks me up how toddlers bring everything they find to you. Yes, I did need that piece of lint! How thoughtful of you!

I wasn't paying attention, just holding my hand out for her, when she suddenly exclaimed, "Bug!" I looked into my hand and saw a red cockroach squirming around. Everything I was holding went flying. I ran to the laundry room to get some carpet spray. We don't own insect spray and I don't squish bugs if there's any potential of a crunching sound. So I usually resort to carpet spray. It foams up so the bugs can't get out, and that's the end of that.

When I turned around, Elizabeth was right behind me, holding the little critter up to me.

"Bug!" she said.

I swatted it to the ground and sprayed the living daylights out of it. Satisfied, I returned to the living room and back to what I was doing.

"Bug!" I hear for the third time. Elizabeth had pulled the cockroach out of the foam and was showing me. Again.

"Elizabeth. Drop it!" So she did. And then there was a half dead cockroach on the ground. Unsure of what to do, I looked at Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth. Go throw the bug away," I instructed.

"Bug?" She pointed at it.

"Yes. Go throw the bug away in the trash."

Some incoherent babble, then she picked it up, and ran into the kitchen.

A few seconds later, she's back, roach still in hand.

"Bug?"

"YES, Elizabeth. Throw the bug AWAY."

She ran off and I heard the garbage can lid open and slam shut.

In conclusion, we have a dead butterfly on our doorstep, a praying mantis and a cricket in our tank, and a half dead cockroach in our garbage can.

Like I said. Bug Day.

The Balancing Act

It's always a good day when:

-your computer gets a memory upgrade
(yay for a blazing fast computer!)

-a wide angle lens comes in the mail

-grocery shopping gets done

-Elizabeth comes home from her weekend away

-you get butter croissants from Costco
(I'm fat just thinking about them)

-you get a nap


Let me tell you about naps, man. They are God's gift to mankind. I used to feel guilty about taking them, but no longer! It's all about balance. Work hard, play hard. Or take a nap. Whichever suits your fancy.

I've been thinking a LOT about balance lately. Something to do with trying to have a photography business while also being a good mom to three kids? Yeah. That's rough. There are days where I think I need to abandon photography completely and devote my entire self to my kids. But then a little part of me gets sad thinking about letting that dream go.

Yesterday I went to a park to think about it and I came across a helpful little article by M. Russell Ballard called Keeping Life's Demands In Balance

*click* You can read it here! *click*

Sorry People!

We took a break this last week.

We also like to refer to ourself in both plural form and third-person.

Be back Monday!!!

If You're Not There Yet...

Trying is the always enough.

Maybe we're not being the parent we want to be. Perhaps we're not as toned as we'd like. We wish we had greater scholastic accomplishments. Or our start-up business isn't even close to what we'd hoped for. It's easy to get too hard on ourselves, especially in a world where all we have to do is go on Pinterest and be bombarded by perfection. Perfect houses, perfect moms, perfect bodies, perfect this, perfect that.

My last post has been on my mind continually. It took lots of courage knowing that people would mistakenly conclude, "Oh, she doesn't love her children". That is simply untrue and very far from the fact. My goal is to love them all equally. Because that's the responsibility of a parent. I'm not quite there, but I'll always be trying. Actively and wholeheartedly.

So what if you don't have the body of a disciplined athlete? So what if your wardrobe could nominate you for an emergency episode of "What Not to Wear?"? And so what if your living room reminds you of every "Before" picture you've seen in home makeovers?

If it's important to you, don't beat yourself up because you're not THERE yet.
You will get there if you put in the work.
In the meantime, it's the trying that's important.
Trying is always enough.

The PNW

Back from Seattle! What a wonderful trip. Basically the story goes like this:

Famous photographer Roberto Valenzuela was teaching a three day workshop for six students. Oh, and the whole thing was filmed and broadcast live to a few hundred thousand other photographers.
No big deal.

Having grown up near Seattle, I was in heaven. The scent of pine trees combined with salty sea air, Mt. Rainier towering in the distance, seagulls clamoring for dropped bits of food near the water, and the overall grunge/eclectic vibe that Seattle if so famously known for invigorated me. Oh, the Pacific Northwest. There's nothing like it. And if you haven't been, shame on you. Shame, shame, shame.

You know how they say "home is where your heart is?" Would it be a crime to tell you that on that first day in Seattle, I didn't quite know exactly where my heart was? It felt split between being where I grew up and being with my family. Oh, how terrible do I sound? But the nostalgia and beauty of a place can sometimes be overwhelming. I found myself wishing I could stay in Washington forever.

I mean, where else can you find a banana slug magnet, daily mustache collection, or salt-and-pepper shakers doing the hanky-panky?

It's official. We need to move.

Just Do It

In our church, there's a program called "Visiting Teaching". Adult women in our church group are partnered up and assigned 2-3 other sisters to visit, watch over, befriend, and what have you. The expectation is that we visit these sisters at least once a month. One of the women that I'm responsible for is an elderly woman who recently had her leg amputated due to diabetes. She lives alone, except for her deaf and blind Pekingese dog, Sassy.

When I first met Lorna, I was touched. She was so warm and friendly and seemed to be in good spirits. However, she expressed that she'd been praying to Heavenly Father for help.

"I'm so lonely", she said.

My heart broke. I can't stand when people are lonely. I know from experience how it feels and surely you do, too. No matter how bad things get, as long as you have someone, it's not the worst it could be.

I made a silent promise to make sure this woman could find a friend in me. I visited her again, this time bringing my children along. We didn't stay long (the kids started getting antsy) but I felt I'd done a good deed, even if the conversation did feel a little superficial.

A couple of weeks went by and I found myself putting off visiting Lorna. All I wanted to do was hug her and be with her and tell her that she wasn't alone, but I didn't want to be overbearing. Then I was worried she'd think I felt sorry for her because of her leg. I didn't want her to think people pitied her. Mostly, I was afraid that my concern wouldn't be perceived as genuine. Finally, what was I going to talk to an 80-something about? What did we possibly have in common?

So I put it off. Even though I walked by her house every day on the way to Carter's bus stop. I felt like such a sissy.

Finally, I decided to just do it, as Nike would say. After Elizabeth and I dropped Carter off, we went to visit Lorna. She was so happy to see us and I instantly felt better. I may not have known what to say, but I could tell that the words I spoke weren't important. She just needed someone, and I was there.

Surprisingly, the conversation flowed easily. We had fun talking about all kinds of things: kids, sewing, DVD machines, grandchildren, and so on. After awhile, there was a lull and I took advantage of it. I didn't know how to tell her, so I just let the words come out.

"My job is to come visit you and teach you, but my biggest priority is that I don't want you to be lonely. I know how it feels, and I just don't want you to have to feel that way."

Tears came to Lorna's eyes and I saw the pain she was holding in come spilling out. Our relationship instantly became deeper and I felt the love of the Lord present. Lorna began to confide more of her feelings and trials to me and I felt that I was lifting her burden, if but just a small amount.

We continued talking on a deeper level and then I left, grateful to God for giving me the courage to reach out, past the social walls that we each construct, to lift another out of her sorrow.

Happy Labor Day!

Things have been busy around the DeMotte household. Extended family is in town for a wedding reception and a sweet baby blessing. Lots of Settlers of Catan playing and preparing for the upcoming week. Which reminds me...

This Wednesday, I'll be on my way to Seattle for the Roberto Valenzuela workshop at creativeLIVE! I can't wait!

See you from the Emerald City!

John

Sometimes it's a real pain trying to get Carter to play outside. He likes to be entertained by screens. TV, Wii, LeapFrog, iPad, iPhone, computer, you name it. As long as it has a screen with moving images. On the days when it's cool enough to go outside (we live in a desert, remember?), I'll send him out. After much whining and dragging of feet, he's out the door, only to spend the entire time sitting on the welcome mat. Sigh. Whatever happened to the good ol' days when it was a feat to get kids to come home after being out all day?

Anyway, you can imagine my pleasant surprise when Carter asked if he could play outside today. By all means, kid.

Fifteen minutes later he came bounding back in.

"I caught a frog!" shrieked my wide-eyed grinning boy.

My heart swelled with pride. 'Atta boy, Carter. That's the essence of childhood right there.
I may or may not have been just as excited as he was, so we hopped in the car and drove straight to the pet store. A helpful employee instructed us on proper frog care and with a few purchases (including mealworms, YUCK!), we were off to create frog utopia.

"What are you going to name him?" I asked after we'd made the final touch of positioning the leaves just so.

"John." Carter answered, matter of fact.

I couldn't contain myself. There's nothing funnier than pets having human names, don't you think?

My goal is to get these kids away from electronics. Not altogether, but there's got to be a balance. There's so much about childhood to enjoy. I once came across a book at Barnes and Noble titled 1001 Things Your Kids Should See & Do. It's got things like:

They need to collect a jar of lightning bugs at night

They need to ride a bike. And fall down. And get up and ride some more

They need to hear for themselves that a Monster Truck show just might be the noisiest thing in the world

They need to bait a hook. And take a fish off one. Learn that life is messy. Even some of the best parts

You get the idea. Kids need to experience the wonder of life before the magic wears off. Life is messy. It gets downright unbearable at times. When that happens, it would do us well to get out there and maybe just go catch a dang ol' frog.

And perhaps name it John.

Sick Days

When I was a kid, I LOVED getting sick. Especially if I was already at school. I loved going down to the nurse's office, having a legit high temperature, and calling my mom to come pick me up. Yes, I felt like crap. But I also felt awesome, awaiting my imminent rescue from the dullness that is the classroom.

Yesterday morning, the school nurse called. Alexis had a headache, and a temperature of 100.3. I paused.

"So...should I come pick her up?"

I don't know these things. I haven't had experience with sick school-aged children. When are they too sick for school? In addition, fevers have always confused me. How hot is too hot?
I'm sure the nurse was thinking, 'Yes you should pick her up, you idiot. I just told you she has a fever of 100.3."
In any case, I was told to come get her. I was stoked. Mom to the rescue!

"Come on kids! We're going to get Alexis!"

Carter, Elizabeth and I piled into the car and I cheerily sang along to the radio the entire way. It was my turn to play superhero Mom, coming to whisk my daughter away, back home to chicken noodle soup, humidifiers, and cuddling.

The poor dear was pale as pale could be. Once at home, I whipped up the soup. She sipped some of it up, then it was off to bed. I rubbed some peppermint oil on her temples and chest, brought some water, made sure she was all comfy-cozy, and began reading aloud James and the Giant Peach. We read until I couldn't move my mouth anymore without yawning.

It's what I remember my mom doing: everything she could to make me feel loved and taken care of.
Sure, I was overdoing it. But I'm a mom. That's my job.

"Mama?"

Once a month, Elizabeth goes up to stay with her dad for a few days at a time. In the summer months, she stays for a whole week.
She's a year and a half.
I worry sick for her, thinking she's probably confused, afraid, or wondering where her mom is.

A few nights ago, she returned from a weeklong trip.
I LOVE when I get her back, that moment when she sees me and her entire face lights up and I hear, "Mama!".
Mmm, I could just eat her up.

Later that night, she had a rough time falling asleep. Usually she passes out quickly, but this time it took her an hour.

Mike and I went to bed. That's when she started crying. Again. Not normal. Typically, once she's asleep, she stays asleep.
I went into her room to try calming her down, but when I tried to leave again, she was in hysterics.

So I laid down with her.

We cuddled up, and her sniffles started to die down. After a few minutes, I could tell she was starting to doze off.

Suddenly, she jerked awake and called out.

"Mama?"

"What, honey?" I answered.

Then she turned over and went back to sleep.
I smiled and held her closer.
I don't know if she was just checking to see if I was still there
but I like to think so.

There's nothing quite like being able to comfort a child.

FYI

I'll be posting Monday, Wednesday, and Friday each week.

Happy weekend!